Too Marvelous for Words, a short story by StevenHunley. Date added: 2011-04-11. Times viewed: 1988.
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- Intro: A lover who's a writer runs out of words to describe his woman
Too Marvelous for Words
I started out the e-mail with, “Honey, you’re so special to me.”
Nope, that won’t cut it.
Then I tried, “You’re wonderful.”
Can that too, already used it. Then I realized the problem. It was the same problem I‘ve been running into a lot lately. I’m running out of words to describe her. My ability to flatter or schmoose is getting weak. Just like my pulse when she’s around. Not only am I out of all the standards like,
“You’re grand, you’re swell, you’re great, you’re all that and a bag of potato chips,” etc.
I used all the ancient stuff too, like,
“You’re the bee’s knees,” and, “You’re the cat’s meow.”
She informed me they went out with, “Twenty-three skidoo.”
I knew that.
And, thanks to my extensive thesaurus skills I’ve run out of all the synonyms that apply as well. I mean, it’s been over seven thousand e-mails. Serious. Over seven thousand. And quite a few stories. Hundreds of thousands of words if you really want to count them. Several hundreds of thousands.
I mean it’s true! She’s much too much and just too very very!
She’s just too marvelous, too marvelous for words!
Thank God for Frank Sinatra.
So what do I do? I know. I’ll put on the dark blue jeans she picked out, and the blue pin-striped shirt she said looks so good with it, and the black “You’ll love it, it has an edge, just like you” belt that she gave me for Christmas.
I’ll splash on just the right amount of Polo Blue.
I’ll head to the flower shop, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll say it with flowers.
So what do I write on the card? The one that goes in the bouquet.
How about, “You’re my favorite.”
That’s it; she’s my favorite for sure. All five-foot-two of her.
I never thought I’d get so much pleasure from sixty-two inches.
I never thought I’d have a problem describing a woman either.
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