Roach Gigantic, a short story by murraylevy1. Date added: 2012-08-29. Times viewed: 607.
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- Intro: A pothead gets some potent weed and thinks a giant talking roach is trying to breakdown his bedroom door..
By Murray Levy
“Hey Max I got the good stuff for you,” whispers Gene. Max moves over and nods the good nod and smiles. He has been waiting for the good stuff for days, not that the current stuff is bad. But the good stuff is well, ripping. Nell walks over and shakes her head.
“You boys are going to far with this crap. Maybe we need to slow down and enjoy things the way they are.”
We are behind the counter at “Chicken Reload”, faster bird at half the price. Our three young colleges graduates are beak deep in the great recession. Working long hours to pay the bills, they need to chill out. Gene a trader in foreign goods has located a powerful weed from Morocco. Max his good friend and best customer, can’t wait to try on the new grove. Nell isn’t so sure about the direction her life is taking with boyfriend Max.
“So are we going back to your place and try this new poison from Africa.”
“ Well Nell, what do you think? This costs me 20% of my pay. So babe, we’re going deep in the zone tonight. So deep we might have to reload with these greasy wings I’m hustling under my jacket.”
“A drug addict and a thief. I’m such a lucky gal.”
“By the time I’m finished with you tonight, you’ll be on the moon, with a piece of chicken dangling from your ding a ling.”
“ You’re cheap, creepy, and crude. My life has unlimited possibilities.”
At Max’s place our couple work the pipe with maximum efficiency. Max tokes wide and deep, with Nell just playing a light tune. After a long mellow out, our young man goes to the bathroom.
“ Wow would you like at this monster. Nell come quick before he disappears.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Nell opens the door and is shocked to see a large roach in the middle of the bathtub.
“Kill it, kill it before it runs away.’
“Why don’t we watch and learn the ancient ways of a very smart creature.”
“Max if you don’t kill it I’m leaving.”
“All right. Give me some toilet paper, and I’ll just crush the son of a bitch.”
“Hurry, hurry it’s running away.”
Max tries to put the toilet paper on the top of the roach, but it starts moving fast. He gets part of the creature, as it runs into a crack.
“Did you get it?”
“I think I got part of it. Do you want to see what part?’
He shows the toilet paper to Nell. She screams.
“Throw it away. You’re more disgusting then the roach. Do you think there is more then one?’
“He looked like a big daddy roach. He probably has a few relatives. I hope we don’t get a visit in the middle of the night.”
“Would you stop talking like that. I’m getting grossed out.”
“Why don’t we smoke a little more weed, go to bed and forget the whole thing.”
Our couple smoke, move to the bedroom, undressed, and get under the covers. After some brief messy sex, Max falls asleep. Nell get up dresses, and leaves.
Max is tossing and turning, when he hears a voice at the door.
“Hey Max are you in there?’ It’s Roe, from the bathroom. Do you have a minute?”
The shadows from the moonlight show a door partial opened, with long roach parts sticking out from the top.
“Who is it? Who is at the door?”
“You’re friend from the bathroom. You were a little ruff with the toilet paper. You broke some of my little legs. I think you such apologize. I never did you any harm.”
“Who is at the door? Is this some kind of a joke.”
“This is no joke Max. Open the door so we can talk about it. You owe me that much.”
Max turns on the table lamp and looks towards the door. He sees the long legs at the opening. He gets up and rushes to close the door. The roach cries out in pain. Parts of the insect fall down on Max.
“Damn it Max! Now you done it. You’ve broken my legs right off. I’m going to get you for this. Open this door! Pay the price. Open this door and face your master.”
“Is this the weed? Or is there a giant roach on the other side of the door waiting to devour me,” Max mutters to himself.
There is a struggle on both sides of the door. They are both not making any headway. Finally Max picks up his cell phone from the dressier and calls Nell.
“Nell you’ve got to help me. That roach from the bathroom is trying to crash down the door to the bedroom. I’m just about holding him off.”
“What the heck are you talking about?”
“The roach has become gigantic. He is trying to get me for chopping off his legs.”
“That weed is destroying your brain. I knew that stuff was poison. You got to just calm down and take some deep breaths. You are just imaging this. Try to think of something positive.”
“The roach says he is going to kick my ass and then break my arms and legs.”
“The roach is talking to you?”
Yea, yea, this is really happening. You’ve got to help me, or this is the end.”
“I’m calling Gene. Hang in there.”
It is in the early morning hours. Gene is forcing open Max’s bedroom door. He is passed out and leaning against it. He finally pushes the door as Max falls to the side and slowly wakes up.
“Max what the hell happen to you? I told you to go easy on the stuff. You look terrible. Nell told me you had an encounter with a giant roach? Is that true?”
“It was real enough for me, man. I battled that roach, and it wasn’t easy. He was really strong and totally wicked. I think I got the best of him. Broke off some major parts of his legs. He was howling in pain.”
“So you actually think you fought a giant roach?”
“I battled and won. Or else it’s the baddest dream anyone has ever had.”
“I’m not selling you any weed for awhile.”
“That suits be fine. I’ve got to get back in the good graces with Nell. She probably thinks I one big A hole.”
“You know your shift is coming up at Reload. Why don’t you get going, and I’ll clean up and check for roach gigantic.”
“Thanks man. If you hear knocking at the door, don’t answer. It will be your worst nightmare.”
Max leaves. Gene starts cleaning up. He stops to use the bathroom. There is a roach in the middle of bathtub.
“So are you stuff that dreams are made of? And are our little lives rounded by a sleep. I was actor in a college production of “The Tempest”, where that line or something close to it comes from. Our English professor interpret it as not knowing if we are dreaming, or in a moment of life. Maybe our little lives are one big dream with small moments of reality. Look at this, I’m talking philosophy with a roach. Is this really happening or just a dreamy moment. What do you say Roe? Are you going to grow big and break down the door?”
Gene sits on the edge of the bathtub and watches the roach. He notices the creature is missing some parts. He moves closes and puts his finger an inch away.
“How about a fling across the tub. Would you like a nice ride. What do think?”
Max and Nell are busy attending the customers at Chicken Reload. The restaurant is very busy as Max is constantly getting his orders mixed up.
“Max you look terribly. You better straight up or you will be living in a tent. And without me. Gee, you look like a zombie.”
“I just need some rest. I swear I’ll never smoke that damn weed again. If I just get through the day , I’ll be fine.”
His cell rings. Max moves to a quiet corner to answer.
“Hey Max, I found your roach.”
“How big is it?
“Not so big. I just flung it across the bathtub.”
“Gene what ever you do don’t abuse the roach.”
“What will happen? Will it grow ten feet.” Those little bastards were built for abuse.”
“Why don’t you just leave my place and go home.”
“Nah, I’m going to smoke some and see if your little friend becomes my big friend.”
“I’m warning you. Don’t smoke. Leave!”
“Max you were always such a little wuss. See ya.”
“Hey Nell, that was Gene. He’s temping fate. He found the roach, hit it, and now he is going to smoke.”
“What’s that sticking out of the back of your shirt?”
Max pulls out a long thin object. Looks at it.
“My god is this part of a roach leg.”
Gene goes back into the bathroom. He notices the roach clinging to the side of the tub. Some ooze dripping from his body. He laughs and raises his hand to strike the creature. Then changes his mind and lowers his arm.
“I was thinking about finishing you off. But I’ll just let you bleed to death, or whatever comes out of your body. I’m going to close the door and smoke some stuff. When you’re ready I’ll be on the sofa.”
Gene rolls a joint from his pack. He sits on the sofa and enjoys the moment. After a few minutes he gets some snacks from the kitchen. He goes back to the sofa and falls asleep. After a couple of hours he gets up to use the bathroom. He doesn’t turn on the light, but notices some movement coming from the bathtub. He feels a large shadow on the wall. He turns in that direction. His eyes open wide. He runs from the bathroom to the couch as he watching the giant roach on his hind legs move slowly towards him. The roach speaks.
“Gene you should have listened to Max. Don’t abuse the roach. But you didn’t listen, did you? Now you are all mine. No chance for escape.”
“But you’re a roach, with no feeling.”
“My dear boy, we all have feelings.”
“God damn it you’re a roach. The lowest form of life on earth. We shouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“This conversation will be very short.”
“Hey Roe, there is something behind you.”
The roach turns around as Gene runs into the bedroom and braces himself against the door. This a sudden crashing from the other side. Over and over again the roach pounds the door. Gene pushes with all his strength to keep him out.
“It’s just a matter of time before I enter the room and take my version of abuse on you, my little friend. Open and face my revenge. There is no one to save you.”
Gene takes out his phone and calls Max. He is asked to leave a message.
Max! Pickup please. Max you are right. This is one mother of a roach, and he’s trying to break down the door and kill me. I don’t know how long I can hang on.”
“Gene why don’t you open the door and we’ll talk. You and I will work it out. I know there is some middle ground.”
“I don’t think so Roe. I think you want payback.”
“I want you to look at my body and see my fragile condition. So many shots between you and Max. So much thoughtless violence. Maybe I could give you a few whacks to even things out.”
“What kind of whacks are we talking about?’
“Ripped skin. Some blood here and there. Pain. Excruciating, incredible pain. Some people might call it, glorious.”
“I think you are trying to fool me. I’m going to fight you till you disappear.”
“If you don’t open this door. I’m going to break it down, by the ooze of my chinless chin chin.”
“Come on, you miserable piece of crap, show me what you got. I think you’re just in my head.”
“When I’m finished with you, you won’t have a head.”
With one powerful thrust the roach removes the door from it’s hinges, and throws it to the side of the room. The creature moves to Gene, as he backs up to the window. He opens it and jumps from the fourth floor apartment. He cell phone ringing as he crashes to the ground.
Within a few minutes a police car and a few neighbors are milling about the dead body.
A policeman calls out, “Is the landlord here?”
“Yes I’m the landlord of this building.”
“Do you know this individual?”
“No. But a lot of young people live here. They come and they go. This is just another tragic incident. Third suicide this year.” And please officer don’t tell anyone. But according to many tenants, we have a giant roach problem.”
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