Guilty pt 6, a short story by alis.barr. Date added: 2012-06-26. Times viewed: 3376.
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- The next morning, I am surprised to wake up in Alex's bed. I’m alone, the only sound in the silence that of my steady breathing. Where is Alex? I pull his shirt and boxers back on from where I dropped them by the side of the bed last night, and pad out into the rest of the house. I’m alone, so he must be out somewhere. My phone is still sitting on the kitchen table, battery and back cover lined up precisely beside it. My stomach churns at the thought of what might be waiting for me as I slowly pop the battery in, then clip the back cover on and power the phone up. There are two new voice mails, and somehow that is scarier than if he had left me a hundred, all shouting about how pissed he was. See, when David is mad, he likes to rant, and he does stupid things sometimes...but when he's beyond mad, and I’m talking furious, he gets quiet. In my mind's eye I can see his hazel eyes ice over, turning him into a complete stranger with the remote fury that lurks beneath the surface. He doesn't have a temper, per say, but when he does get mad he goes all out.
I am still staring at the screen, debating on whether to listen to the voice messages, when it rings, scaring me half out of my mind. Speak of the devil. “H-hello?” I answer, hating the timidity of my voice. Old habits die hard, you know, and I’m used to pleading and coaxing him not to be mad at me anymore.
“Oh baby thank God.” there is relief written in his voice. “Have you listened to your messages yet?” Uh oh.
“No.” I reply slowly. “My, um, my phone went dead last night. That's why...I wasn't answering.”
“I am so sorry honey I never should have treated you like that yesterday, I feel like such an ass. And driving off like that...where are you? Please tell me you're somewhere safe.” he asks, and despite my initial upset I feel something warm and familiar settle in my chest.
“I'm fine.” I reply, a small smile creeping over my face. “Alex let me stay with him last night. It was raining pretty hard.” I fiddle with my hair, shifting my weight from one foot to the other.
“Come home baby, please? Let's make up.” David asks, and I stare down at the whorls in the wood of the kitchen table.
“I don't know...” I say slowly, still not sure what's going on here. One part of me is overjoyed that he isn't mad anymore. I can go home, and we'll kiss and make up, and everything will go back to normal. The other part of me has an overwhelming urge to leave, and be done with his bullshit. And there is also a tiny voice in the back of my brain warning me that something is off here.
“Please Kit? Things will be different.” David says into my silence, and I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding.
“I'll be home later.” I say, and he makes a happy noise of assent.
“I love you so much. I’ll see you there.” he says, and we hang up. I turn around, and come face to face with a thundercloud. Alex is leaning against the counter, arms folded across his chest. He's got an unreadable look that I recognize. He's pissed.
“Um, yeah.” I nod, tucking my hair nervously behind one ear. “He wants me to come home.”
“And you're going to?” His voice is still calm, but carrying a hint of steel.
“Yeah, I am! He's good to me, Alex.” I reply, a pleading note creeping into my voice. “We have our...rough spots...but what couple doesn't! He loves me!” Even to my own ears that sounds hollow, and Alex knows it.
“Your life.” he says. “You want to fuck yourself over, be my guest.”
“Why are you mad about this?” I burst out. “Are you jealous?” Oh shit. That was a mistake. His whole body stiffens- I’ve seen this look right before he rips someone to shreds in court- and I fight the urge to cringe.
“Why the hell would I be jealous? All I have to do is crook my finger and you'll come running. Sex is the only thing I want from you, he can keep the broken relationship and the stupid woman that rolls over whenever he shows any sign of being displeased.” he says quietly, words cutting into me like knives. “Any woman worth my time would actually have a backbone. Get dressed, I’ll take you home.” With that he disappears down the hall, leaving me along with the shreds of my emotions. He's never been this cruel to me, ever. I feel like I’m bleeding on the inside. Taking a deep breath, I swallow back tears and retrieve my clothing from the dryer, pulling them on in the washroom and leaving his shirt and boxers on top of the washer. Then I think better of it and slink back in to separate them into one of the several baskets he has neatly labeled. Dark tops, dark bottoms, light tops, light bottoms, whites; why am I still trying to please him? I know it will probably drive him crazy if I just leave the clothes lying there, but I take care of them, then go back out to the living room. Alex is bouncing keys impatiently in his palm, scowling at nothing in particular.
The drive back into the city is silent, tension so thick I can almost feel it, resting uncomfortably against my skin like an ill fitting jacket. Alex keeps his eyes on the road, driving much faster than the speed limit allows. Three different times I almost apologize to him. Then I remind myself that it isn't my fault, and David loves me, and Alex is a dick. I think I have a problem. In no time we are in my driveway, and parked. I thank him quietly for the ride, and slide out of the car, shutting the door. He pulls out immediately and screeches off around the corner, and I take a deep breath, then go inside.
For two weeks, David is the boyfriend he was in high school and college. He is sweet and loving, and I bask in the glow of the attention I’m receiving. By sharp contrast, work is close to hell. Alex mostly ignores me, but when he absolutely can't avoid me, he's all stony glares and imperious orders. I wish it didn't hurt that he's doing this, but it does. As much of a prick as he can be sometimes, I kinda liked him. He was like one of those prickly cactus plants, that has inch long spines but a beautiful array of colors, and you keep it around even though it makes you bleed every time you come near it. His words from that morning still echo in my head. Halfway into the third week, things with David are starting to slip into the same routine we were in. He wakes up early and comes in late, first one day, then two and three in a row. Fuck. I’ve made such a mess of things.
I’m in the copy room six weeks after our big fight, running copies as fast as I can, when Raelene comes in. Worry is written across her face.
“You need to hustle hon, Alex is in a real mood today.” she says, starting to help me.
“I know that!” I reply. “He's been on my ass all morning!” She shakes her head a little, kicking at the machine as it jams.
“How do you put up with him all day? God, I don't know how you do it. I think he's gotten even meaner.” Yes, he has, and I know the reason. But I don't say that, instead I focus on stacking papers the way they need to be. We finish up in a minute, and I hurry back to the dragon's den.
Alex is already scowling as I come into his office, and his expression turns practically lethal as I nudge the door closed with my butt, coming over to set the stack of papers on his immaculately clean desk. His sharp blue eyes pick me apart as I separate out all the files into the appropriate folders.
“I have been waiting for these for fifteen minutes.” he says between his teeth, and I feel my own temper rise a little. No Kit. Don't do it Kit. That would be stupid Kit. He's may be a dick, but he's my boss. I repeat what has become my mantra over the past couple of weeks, and keep a smile on my face.
“I'm sorry Mister Lance but the copy machine is jamming again. I did this as quickly as I could.” I say.
“So use the copy machine on the next floor. Did you think of that?” his tone is biting, sarcastic, and it's getting on my nerves.
“Yes I did, but seeing as you were upset about fifteen minutes, imagine what you would have done if I’d taken the twenty minutes to do that.” Keep your voice down Kit, I tell myself tightly. Pleasant smile...one that's starting to crack around the edges as he stands. I am suddenly reminded of how much bigger he is than me. I scowl up at him, and hold my ground. “Big man, aren't you?” I ask softly. “Pushing your secretary around just because she isn't fucking you anymore. I don't know what your problem is but you better pick a God damn side! Be a dick, or ignore me, but quit yanking me around like this.” I turn to go, pretty sure turning my back on a predator like this is a mistake, and he doesn't disappoint. A vice like grip closes on my arm, and he whirls me around, bringing me only inches from him.
“You want to know what my problem is?” he asks, in a low growl that used to make me wet in an instant. Hell, used to? It's working right now. “My problem is you. You are the most infuriating woman I know, and that's saying something. I can't believe I actually want you. You are so eager to please but under that, deep, deep under that, you've got a steel streak in you and when it surfaces it makes me want to fuck you senseless. Instead you waste yourself on that moron David and it pisses me the hell off!” Oh Jesus. My eyes are wide, lips parted, and I can't seem to speak. He wants me? No, this is wrong! I have a steady boyfriend and a comfortable life...and it's all really safe. There's no spark- no! I’m going to tell him to fuck off, right now.
“Having you as a boyfriend would be a hell of a ride.” I whisper. What the hell, brain? “You're arrogant and moody and a little dangerous. No regard for anyone's feelings, and I’m not even sure you have any yourself. I’m also fairly certain you have no conscience.” I’m trying really hard not to think about what happened in the cabin, that little glimpse of him as a person.
“And I’m not going to change any of that.” he says. “But I get the feeling you don't want me to.” And then our mouths are fused together in a hard kiss. One hand clamps over the back of my head to keep me there while the other grabs my ass firmly, and I throw my arms around him, clinging just as fiercely as he is to me. I bite his lip as I pull back, hard enough to taste a little blood, and his eyes flash. Oh God. I bite him again, and a growl escapes him. Whirling me neatly, he clears his desk with an arm and lays me out flat, yanking my panties down my legs. “This is the entire reason I’m so mean to you.” he breathes, wiping blood from his lip. “When you fight it's hot as hell.” Oh fuck that, I’ll show him a fight. I reach up, catch his tie, and drag him down into another hard, grinding kiss, thrusting my tongue into his mouth. One of his rough hands pushes up my skirt, finding my throbbing pussy and sliding in with no resistance at all. “Are you this wet for me already you little slut?” he asks in my ear, catching my earlobe between his teeth to bite a little. I arch my hips against his hand, knowing I should feel ashamed but unable to think about anything besides wanting him.
“Are you going to fuck me or not?” I grit out, panting and ready to explode. It feels so dirty doing it at work, but that's part of what makes it exciting. Alex shoves my skirt around my waist, hooking one of my legs up over his shoulder as he straightens, shoving the other out. I know this position well, and as he slides into me I shudder in anticipation. From here I’m pulled so tight that he feels even bigger, and it's one of our favorites. As he starts to thrust, working my wet pussy, I have to keep reminding myself that we're at work, and I really have to keep it down. Alex clamps a hand over my mouth, the weight and restriction making me whimper softly. His cock is hard as steel, pounding mercilessly into me until I’m arching and squirming on the edge of an orgasm. As my pussy clenches briefly, he bites his lip. I contract my inner muscles again, and his throat works. He's trying hard not to groan. Most people would be wincing at the amount of pressure he's putting on his already bleeding lip, but not Alex. I think he likes causing pain even if it's to himself, the sadist. Masochist? Fuck I can't think straight. He's getting thicker, battering against me hard enough that I lift my hips to keep the desk from rattling too loudly. His breathing is getting more ragged, and when I squeeze my walls against him, he explodes. His eyes close tightly, fingers tightening over my mouth as well as on the calf he's got his other hand on, holding my leg over his shoulder. I reach down to work my clit, and in a flash I’m finished too, whimpers muffled behind his fingers as I have an intense climax that leaves me shuddering and gasping for air...which isn't coming. He sees that, and removes his hand immediately. A deep breath rushes into my lungs, and for a minute I focus on breathing as he pulls out of me and rights his clothes.
“God damn Kit.” he says, still catching his own breath. I sit up, feeling a little dizzy, and get to my feet to pull my skirt back to the proper level. As I do, I sway, and he makes sure I’m steady. Looking up at him, I wonder where this leaves us. This man gives me so many feelings it makes my head spin. Sometimes being a woman sucks. My fingers flutter over my hair, fixing my blouse. To further avoid looking at him, I pull out my phone and use the reflective backing to check my make up. Alex managed to suck most of my lip gloss off, but since I started screwing around with him, I switched from lipstick to lip stain, so the color is okay. God why am I thinking about mundane stuff like this?
I turn around, and find Alex surveying his office. Upon doing the same, I giggle a little. He raises one eyebrow at me, and I kneel, starting to pick up the papers we scattered all over the floor. After a second he pitches in to help.
“That was fun, but fuck did we made a mess.” I comment, and he chuckles.
“Most things that fun do.” he replies. We get everything picked up, and manage to knock heads going for the same folder under his desk.
“Ouch! Jesus that's hard!” I complain, and he's about to reply when we hear someone clear their throat.
“Should I come back?” Raelene's voice floats from the doorway. I immediately pop up from behind the desk, waving my handful of paper.
“Oh he just knocked a pile of files over, I was just helping him pick up.” I say brightly. She looks like she doesn't believe a word of it, but smirks and shakes her head. “Oh we were going to lunch today weren't we. Um, give me just a minute and I’ll be out.” I suddenly remember why she might be looking for me.
“Sure Kit. Just a minute.” she says, and walks out, closing the door again. I slump with a dismayed noise, then jump as I feel Alex's hand creep up my skirt to pinch my ass. When I look down with a scowl, he's smirking at me.
“Now the whole office is going to think I’m sleeping with you.” I grumble, standing and helping him up.
“They're going to think more than that, since I’m taking you out to dinner this Friday.” he replies, then goes right back to straightening out the pile on his desk.
“Do you ever act like a normal person and ask...for anything?” I ask, and he snorts, not bothering to grace that with a response.
“Wear something nice.” he says. “Your friend is waiting.” I huff at him, then shake my head a little and duck in front of him to cup his face, kissing him gently and soothing the little teethmarks I’ve left on his lip with my tongue.
“You can be as big and as bad as you want in public.” I say softly. “But I know you like to cuddle, and that has destroyed any fear you ever held over me.”
“I'll have to remedy that then.” he replies, but he's smiling. His hand slaps the swell of my butt, and he suggests “Perhaps a good spanking is in order?” I laugh softly, and slip out of the office to meet Raelene and all of her questions.
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